Thoughts on respect

Hey friends,
I did a little online research on the topic of "respect."  I also looked through our local library catalog for books on the subject but there didn't seem to be any.
Anyway, here are some points that struck me about "earning respect."

- You have to respect yourself. Start by dressing like you expect respect. Take care of your health. Try to look nice. Take care of your grooming. If you don't even respect yourself enough to brush your teeth, why should other people bother to respect you?
- Respect others.  Don't use four letter words.  Don't be rude. Even if the other person doesn't deserve respect, be the better person. If you disagree with someone's opinion, let them have the freedom to have their opinion. If you must confront someone, do so as nicely as possible, without being a doormat.
- Don't act like a doormat.  If someone is being rude to you, walk away, if possible.  If you are stuck, maintain an aloof silence. Stick up for yourself.
- Silence. In general, a quiet person appears more wise and dignified.
- If someone in your life is not respecting you, talk to that person as little as possible.  Maintain a dignified silence in their presence. They don't deserve for you to be chatty with them or to share feelings with them.
- Don't smile at someone if they are going to misinterpret it as your acting like a con artist or doormat.( of course you should smile when appropriate!)
- Stick to your morals.  No one respects a compromising, wishy-washy people-pleaser.
- On a date (doesn't matter if it's the first date or the fiftieth)  If your date starts being rude, mean, angry, or pushing your moral/physical boundaries, leave BY YOURSELF immediately!  I was surprised when I read this.  By yourself?  Wow. That takes guts.  Call dad, a cab, a friend, whomever, and leave.

I am sure the reader can add many more good hints. 

What to Look for in a Spouse

What to Look for in A Spouse

Looking for a spouse actually begins with asking someone out.
  I think one of the big things that is almost never mentioned about dating is dating someone who is working.  I am speaking of someone who has some kind of job or business.  This applies to both men and women.  (A full time student taking difficult classes may be considered to be doing a form of work).
If someone isn't working there may be something wrong with them. Are they addicted to something that prevents their working?  Maybe he or she is too lazy or too picky or too insecure.  These are qualities that could wreak havoc in a marriage.  Maybe a person is just hoping to "freeload" off  others all the time:  the 'entitlement' mentality. Once again, a very poor way of living.  If the person is truly just having bad luck, then wait until he or she is employed again before dating.  If you are laid off you should not get into any relationships, either.  Being bored and having too much time on one's hands just leads to very poor decision making.
I think it is very important to date someone of the same faith background.  This prevents a lot of future problems as well. 
There are other things to look for as well.  Is this person moody? Unkind? Addicted to anything?  Even things as seemingly innocent as excessive computer gaming have caused great strife in a marriage.
I think the most important thing to do when considering a new relationship is to consult one's parents, who care more about you than anyone else!  Or at least consult a pastor or a very wise friend.  If your parents are opposed to the relationship, there is usually a good reason.
I think there is nothing like good old-fashioned hard work to prepare someone for marriage!

Man of my dreams

I was recently reading a book (but I stopped because it was so ridiculous) wherein a young lady, so IN LOVE, wrote about getting engaged to "the man of her dreams." He was tall and smart and gentle and had big biceps.
I got to thinking about my own husband. I don't know if he was the man of my dreams. I don't think I really had a preconceived idea of the man of my dreams when I met him. He is not tall, but I do think he had good biceps back then. I usually liked guys with big, melty brown eyes and my husband's eyes are kind of squinty and not really melty.
It put me in mind of a conversation about marriage that I had with a friend long ago. We were discussing the trials in our marriages and she said that she thought "dealing with a difficult marriage has more merit than dealing with an easy one." Yes!
It is easy to be loving to a man who is always making a fuss over you, still acting like he is "so in love" years into the marriage, who always puts you first, compliments you all the time, gives you back/foot rubs, etc.
However, for some of us, this is not the case. My hubby has been a good provider and faithful. He is also a churchgoer. I am grateful for these things.
But he is no Don Juan! I had to coerce my hubby into holding my hand and walking on the beach with me because it was my birthday. (We froze: my birthday is in
February.) I can't remember the last time he paid me a compliment. He rarely brings me flowers. He has never written that I am "AMAZING" or "The love of his life" on facebook. (He doesn't even have a facebook.) He is definitely not going to build me a Taj Mahal when I pass on. (He may add a room on the house for a pool table.) Sometimes I have wondered if my hands would fit around his thick, stubborn neck.
I say the woman who can still have a smile and a kiss for this guy every day when he gets home is pretty special!

Bin Laden

Well I guess a lot of people are celebrating the death of Osama Bin Laden, like this somehow brings justice to the victims of the 9-11 attack.
Excuse me if I don't get too excited. Somehow I don't see Bin Laden's death as helping our country at all.
Will there be more freedom? Will there be fewer rules, laws, and regulations? Will there be less government intrusion/spying? Will taxes go down? Will the economy improve? Will any of our soldiers come home? Will there be stronger families? I think probably not.
The police state keeps growing and we are worried about an old man hiding in Pakistan! I think Americans must be the most gullible people ever.

Stop the war!

The U.S. government needs to Stop the War!

Stop the War in the Middle East!
Stop the War on the Unborn!
Stop the War on Marriage and the Family!
Stop the War on our personal freedoms!
Stop the War on drugs and terrorism! (which are only an excuse to take away personal freedoms.)

Why?

Why is the U.S. bombing Libya? They are not attacking us. They haven't even threatened us. Our Government has no moral or legal right to do so. The U.S. simply cannot be the world's policeman. We can't afford it. How many of our sons have to die on the other side of the world before we say "Enough!" Our economy is in a terrible state and endless war is just too expensive, both in terms of money and lives lost.
Now that Obama, the ultimate liberal, has proven himself to be a warmonger, maybe Conservatives will stop supporting war. The Americans in the Middle East are not fighting for our freedoms! Freedom is taken away by our OWN government, not by governments on the other side of the world!
Bring our troops home! Get the U.S. out of the Middle East!

Tiger Mom

I haven't read the book, "Tiger Mom," but I have read a few excerpts and passages from it. I have heard that the draconian mother in the book is righteously defending how she raised her children on TV and in other places.
I would like to say that yes, many American children lack discipline, and yes, it is detrimental how much TV time and video game time some children have. Too much TV and computer time is bad for adults, as well!
But I would like to say that the measures used by people like "Tiger Mom" go to the other extreme. Whatever happened to the principle of moderation? I have known quite a few families whose children are very bright and talented and pursuing college educations who NEVER resorted to the concentration-camp style tactics of "Tiger Mom."
My own sister could play the piano beautifully and, as far as I can remember, my parents never really "made" her practice. She practiced because she loved music. My other sister never went to college but has had a highly successful career as a loan underwriter.
Discipline is important, don't get me wrong! I am not advocating letting children run wild or be completely lazy. Parents have to be tough!!! On the other hand, I would also like to advocate balancing being tough with a gentle, loving attitude, the kind that you find in the parents of the Ann of Green Gables books or Little Women. And let a kid be a kid. Let them have plenty of free time to play and enjoy childhood.

Haven't blogged in awhile

I haven't blogged in awhile but I have been "down" quite a bit and not up on my usual reading. Today, however, I don't feel very well, so I don't have the energy to go shopping (one of my favorite hobbies) or even drink a couple of beers (my especially favorite hobby). So I thought I would peruse the internet and after reading some other blogs, I have decided that I need a change. Now that the kids are grown up, and my only grandson lives so far away, I need to develop some new interests. I would really like to join a hiking club but I have to find one that only goes on four mile maximum excursions (I get tired easily). I would like to learn to crochet and knit but our local craft store charges too much for lessons. Book club? Art or music lessons? New recipes? A new pet? Invite someone over for dinner? Any suggestions?

I don't have anything political to share other than the political and economic scene are both pretty bleak right now! Enough said, I suppose.

Warnings to the Tea Party

There is a conservative political movement afoot, whose favorite form of demonstration is the "Tea Party." This is very positive in many ways. I am glad to see so many people with courage to stand up to the government and stand against tyranny.
However, what many (most?) of these people are overlooking is the fact that it was George Bush, both I and II, who took away so many of our freedoms in the name of fighting terrorism.
I will quote here from The Wanderer, June 17, 2010 edition:
"Tea Partiers have unfortunately been fed a line of hokum by politicians aided and abetted by the mainstream media. They fail to understand that it is precisely the interventionist defense and foreign policies that are driving the bad things they see in government...The federal government is twice as big as it was in 2001 and there has been the creation of major new bureaucracies at the Department of Homeland Security and the office of the director of National Intelligence...The Tea Partiers should understand that terrorists will only tear down the United States if we Americans help them to do so. Irrational fear of a small group of men hiding in a cave in Asia is what drives larger government, the infringement of civil liberties, and more taxes and regulation...So how can the Tea Party turn things around? It can only do so by realizing that the first thing that must be done ...is for the United States to end its wars overseas and dramatically scale back on its international commitments."
"The Bush war policies have given President Obama too much unchecked power..."
by Phil Giraldi of the American Conservative.

A Jansenist/Calvinist sermon

Borrowed from "The Virginian," by Owen Wister.

"The cowboys were told that not only they could do no good, but that if they did contrive to, it would not help them. Nay, more, not only honest deeds availed them nothing, but even if they accepted this especial creed which was being explained to them as necessary for salvation, still it might not save them. Their sin was indeed the cause of their damnation, yet, keeping from sin, they might nevertheless be lost. It had all been settled for them not only before they were born, but before Adam was shaped. Having told them this, he invited them to glorify the Creator of the scheme. Even if damned, they must praise the person who had made them expressly for damnation."

Drivel of the Heretics

From the May 27th, 2010 edition of "The Wanderer."

More than 30 years ago, Dietrich Von Hildebrand said: "One of the most horrifying and widespread diseases of the Church today is the lethargy of the guardians of the faith of the Church...I am thinking of the numerous bishops...who make no use whatever of their authority when it comes to intervening against heretical thelogians or priests, or against blasphemous performances of public worship...
"But it is most especially infuriating when certain bishops who...show this lethargy toward heretics, assume a rigorously authoritarian attitude toward those believers who are fighting for orthodoxy..."

"A partial list of abuses calling for apology by the many bishops in the U.S. hierarchy is:
-To the millions of Catholic parents and grandparents who are enduring incredible sufferings over the collapse of the faith and morality of their children and grandchildren, which includes not only spiritual concerns for their children's salvation, a source of constant inner anxiety and distress, but on the practical side they see their children unable to practice chastity, engaged in lives of adultery and fornication and the breakdown of family life."

Fatherless

This blog is based on what I read in the April 8, 2010 edition of "The Wanderer." It includes several sources, including Amy Alkon of the Canadian Children's Rights Council; Patrick Fagan and Dorothy Hanks, "The Child Abuse Crisis: The Disintegration of Marriage, Family and the American Community"; Adolescent and Family Health, vol. 1, n.1; the Victoria Times Colonist, January 8, 1998; The FBI, The U.S. Census Bureau, and the National Fatherhood Institute.

"Why is it socially reprehensible for a man to leave a baby fatherless, but courageous, even admirable, for a woman to have a baby whom she knows will be so?...The vast majority of child physical and sexual abuse is committed in single-parent homes, homes usually where the father is not present...Contrary to public perception, research shows that the most likely physical abuser of a young child will be that child's mother, not a male in the household. The father is the parent most likely to be the protector of the children. The presence of the father... placed the child at lesser risk for sexual abuse.
"Father deprivation is a more reliable predictor of criminal activity than race, environment, or poverty."
"Father deprived children are:
1)72% of all teenage murderers
2) 60% of all rapists
3)3 out of 4 teen suicides
4)90% of runaways
"Father deprivation is a serious form of child abuse that is...entrenched within our legal system. Powerful sexist people have a vested interest in diminishing the role of men, especially their role as fathers."

Catholics and torture

From the Wanderer, March 11, 2010.
"Morning's Minion at the popular, orthodox Catholic website, Vox Nova, demanded that the U.S bishops...remind Catholics that those who justify torture should refrain from receiving Holy Communion, under Canon 915. Criticizing a program on EWTN called "The World Over," and its host Raymond Arroyo, Morning's Minion wrote about a particular episode which hosted Marc Thiessen, who identifies himself as a practicing Catholic, and attempts to justify torture.
'I think the analogy is clear. Arroyo and Thiessen are both public figures, and Arroyo in particular is a TV personality on a Catholic TV channel, making the scandal all the more grave. They are clearly 'obstinately persevering' in support of an intrinsically evil act. Worse, they actually try to justify it on Catholic grounds. Thiessen has made it his life's work to claim that some forms of torture are virtuous...The Church's teachings on torture could not be clearer. Torture was condemned by the Second Vatican council in Gaudium et Spes, which declared:
'Furthermore, whatever is opposed to life itself, such as any type of murder, genocide, abortion, euthanasia, or willful self-destruction, whatever violates the integrity of the human person, such as mutilation, torments inflicted on body or mind, attempts to coerce the will itself...all these things and others of their like are infamies indeed.'"

oh no!

Oh no! Today I was driving down a back road, doing the speed limit, 35 mph, when a dear little bird, black and white and yellow, flew right down in front of my car! I hit the brakes but it was way too late. I didn't hear or feel even the slightest thump but when I came to a stop, there it was, in the grill, completely flattened. I couldn't even see the dear little head. All I could see were some delicate feathers in kind of an oval shape. It is sad when a bird lover like me hits a bird. No doubt some native, possibly threatened species. Why couldn't I hit a starling? Why didn't I see it coming?
It reminds me, though, of the poor people who have accidentally killed a person/people with their automobiles. How awful! And for some of them, their lives are over, with long jail terms, even though it was truly an accident.

Opinion on Feminism

A man named John J. McCartney, Jr., writes:
"Feminism has:
1) Preached for 40 years about a woman's "right" to kill her unborn child.
2) Exhorted mothers to leave the home and do "productive work."
3) Generated hostility to men as men and encouraged reflexive questioning of male leadership in marriage and work.
4) Lobbied successfully for the privilege--for women--to experience the thrills and hazards of military combat and shipboard intimacy;
5) Made the lesbian agenda its own;
6) Lobbied for, and won, no-fault divorce, generating poverty among, and injustice to, women;
7) Loudly proclaimed the absurdity that day care is as, or more, beneficial than mother care."
I am afraid I have to agree with Mr. McCartney. The only things feminism seems to have achieved are the disintegration of the family, lots of single parents, poverty, more government interference in families, and the disappearance of Christian and European peoples.

Defending Valentines Day

I am writing this unimportant bit in defense of Valentines Day. This past week several people I know (including my stubborn teenage daughter) have told me they don't like Valentines Day! And these people are Christian, too. One of these people told me he celebrated Chinese New Year instead. I asked, "Are you Chinese?" Of course not. What nonsense. And he has been writing 2010 for the last month and a half so the idea that the New Year started in mid-February for him is silly.
I have noticed that all of these people do not currently have a sweetheart. But that's no excuse!!! I was a very homely, awkward teen and did not have a sweetheart on Valentines Day until I was in my twenties but I still made or bought a beautiful Valentine for my mom and dad and also sent a valentine to my grandmothers, aunts, sisters, friends, etc.
Some people say, "Well, your husband or wife should love you all year round, not just on Valentines Day." Again, I say, What nonsense! Valentines Day is a wonderful reason to do something a little extra for your sweetheart. Of course he or she loves you the rest of the year.
Next year if anyone has the gall to say something against Valentines Day, I am making them come over, and we are going to sit and cut and color and paste some pretty papers and hearts together until they remember the wonderful, childish joy they got out of sharing something lovely with someone!!!

Foreign Aid

I read a couple of things this morning about where our US foreign aid money goes.
Christopher Manion, who used to work in Washington D.C. for Senator Jesse Helms, writes:
"Years ago, when I was responsible for reviewing legislation that distributed American "aid" to the Caribbean, I was visited by ...lobbyists and foreign agents who advocated massive amounts of ....taxpayer money for the Haitian government of 'Baby Doc' Duvalier, undoubtedly on of the most corrupt and brutal dictators in a worldwide pantheon of tyrannical thugs.'
'Our poverty is your fault,' the Third World countries sang in chorus, as their lobbyists came around, looking for more money. The trouble was, their poverty was the fault of their dictators, who siphoned off a good 20% or 30% right off the top (in Haiti it was even more: Food 'aid' would be delivered straight to Duvalier's cronies, who would then go sell it or give it away to their constituencies, in turn driving down the prices of food produced by impoverished Haitian farmers, none of whom had large plots of land).
'Unfortunately, a lot of American businesses started to cash in on the 'aid,' since they could sell the government a lot of the food, etc. delivered by aid programs. In their turn, the lobbyists would get about 10% of whatever aid they were able to procure for their foreign clients. It was all legal, an for 50 years the U.S. foreign aid program and the hundreds of billions that U.S. taxpayers provided for foreign 'aid' served primarily to keep recipient countries in poverty, while their rulers plundered the programs and prospered off the corruption."

Being Difficult

I have been reading books on dealing with difficult people. There can be lots of difficult people in our lives. Some of them we live with; many of them we work with. Maybe they go to our church or school. Sometimes we are the difficult ones. Here are some things to look out for so we aren't being the difficult ones:
Anger: Absolutely must control it. Very little is ever achieved by blowing up. Usually only harm is done.
Oversensitivity: Have to get a grip on this one. Most people are not out to hurt us.
Whining: If something is really wrong, point it out. But don't point out every little thing.
Sniping: Stop with the not really funny, humiliating remarks. Be careful with humor.
Nothing person: Communicate! This is a really tough one if someone refuses to communicate with us. Teenagers use this tactic a lot to "get back" at their "mean" parents.
There are some good books out there on the subject of difficult people. If someone in your life is really giving you grief, for heaven's sake, try to find out if you can do anything about it!
And be aware that at times we all give people grief: inconsiderate remarks, impatience, cutting people off in traffic, etc.
When dealing with difficult people it often helps if you catch them off guard and give them a hug, compliment, or whatever, before they can get started criticizing, being negative, etc.
With a little consideration, humor and humility, a lot of difficulties can be avoided.

The faith of Pope John Paul II

There are quite a few disgruntled Catholics out there who accuse our last pope, John Paul II, of being a heretic, a Muslim, a Buddhist, an animist, etc.
While it is true that the last Holy Father did engage in dialogue and prayer with those of other religions, let us examine what he said.
In his book Crossing the Threshold of Hope, he says, "It is therefore a revealed truth that there is salvation only and exclusively in Christ. The Church, inasmuch as it is the Body of Christ, is simply an instrument of this salvation...People are saved through the Church, they are saved in the Church, but they are always saved by the grace of Christ."
He approved of the document Dominus Jesus, which states, that while the Catholic Church accords other religions of the world "sincere respect," The truth that Christ founded the Catholic Church to be "the instrument for the salvation of all humanity...rules out in a radical way the mentality of  'indifferentism', characterized by a religious relativism which leads to the belief that 'one religion is as good as another.'" This should put to rest the argument that he thought all religions were basically the same.
In not one instance did Pope John Paul II ever attempt to change any doctrine or belief of the Catholic Church.
Let's not be too hasty to jump to conclusions about anyone, especially someone as important as the Holy Father.

Fall

Here are a few thoughts on life as we enter fall and are getting closer to the end of the year.
I think it is kind of sad when the leaves start putting on their beautiful colors. I think this may be because I always feel like the family is closer in the summer. We travel together, go camping together, take long evening walks--now all of this is over. It is especially sad now that the two older ones have moved on in life. A tremendous longing for the days of my children's childhood strikes when I am alone or feeling lonely. And now that they are older I worry about them twice as much!
Then there is the political situation in America. So many people are unjustly imprisoned in this country. And Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize? Kind of makes it meaningless. Not to mention that there is no justice for the unborn. Hasn't been since 1973.
But there has to be some joy in life as well. Good friends, loving relatives, kind strangers, things to make, things to do.
Blessings on all as we draw near to the end of 2009!