Thoughts on respect

Hey friends,
I did a little online research on the topic of "respect."  I also looked through our local library catalog for books on the subject but there didn't seem to be any.
Anyway, here are some points that struck me about "earning respect."

- You have to respect yourself. Start by dressing like you expect respect. Take care of your health. Try to look nice. Take care of your grooming. If you don't even respect yourself enough to brush your teeth, why should other people bother to respect you?
- Respect others.  Don't use four letter words.  Don't be rude. Even if the other person doesn't deserve respect, be the better person. If you disagree with someone's opinion, let them have the freedom to have their opinion. If you must confront someone, do so as nicely as possible, without being a doormat.
- Don't act like a doormat.  If someone is being rude to you, walk away, if possible.  If you are stuck, maintain an aloof silence. Stick up for yourself.
- Silence. In general, a quiet person appears more wise and dignified.
- If someone in your life is not respecting you, talk to that person as little as possible.  Maintain a dignified silence in their presence. They don't deserve for you to be chatty with them or to share feelings with them.
- Don't smile at someone if they are going to misinterpret it as your acting like a con artist or doormat.( of course you should smile when appropriate!)
- Stick to your morals.  No one respects a compromising, wishy-washy people-pleaser.
- On a date (doesn't matter if it's the first date or the fiftieth)  If your date starts being rude, mean, angry, or pushing your moral/physical boundaries, leave BY YOURSELF immediately!  I was surprised when I read this.  By yourself?  Wow. That takes guts.  Call dad, a cab, a friend, whomever, and leave.

I am sure the reader can add many more good hints. 

What to Look for in a Spouse

What to Look for in A Spouse

Looking for a spouse actually begins with asking someone out.
  I think one of the big things that is almost never mentioned about dating is dating someone who is working.  I am speaking of someone who has some kind of job or business.  This applies to both men and women.  (A full time student taking difficult classes may be considered to be doing a form of work).
If someone isn't working there may be something wrong with them. Are they addicted to something that prevents their working?  Maybe he or she is too lazy or too picky or too insecure.  These are qualities that could wreak havoc in a marriage.  Maybe a person is just hoping to "freeload" off  others all the time:  the 'entitlement' mentality. Once again, a very poor way of living.  If the person is truly just having bad luck, then wait until he or she is employed again before dating.  If you are laid off you should not get into any relationships, either.  Being bored and having too much time on one's hands just leads to very poor decision making.
I think it is very important to date someone of the same faith background.  This prevents a lot of future problems as well. 
There are other things to look for as well.  Is this person moody? Unkind? Addicted to anything?  Even things as seemingly innocent as excessive computer gaming have caused great strife in a marriage.
I think the most important thing to do when considering a new relationship is to consult one's parents, who care more about you than anyone else!  Or at least consult a pastor or a very wise friend.  If your parents are opposed to the relationship, there is usually a good reason.
I think there is nothing like good old-fashioned hard work to prepare someone for marriage!

Man of my dreams

I was recently reading a book (but I stopped because it was so ridiculous) wherein a young lady, so IN LOVE, wrote about getting engaged to "the man of her dreams." He was tall and smart and gentle and had big biceps.
I got to thinking about my own husband. I don't know if he was the man of my dreams. I don't think I really had a preconceived idea of the man of my dreams when I met him. He is not tall, but I do think he had good biceps back then. I usually liked guys with big, melty brown eyes and my husband's eyes are kind of squinty and not really melty.
It put me in mind of a conversation about marriage that I had with a friend long ago. We were discussing the trials in our marriages and she said that she thought "dealing with a difficult marriage has more merit than dealing with an easy one." Yes!
It is easy to be loving to a man who is always making a fuss over you, still acting like he is "so in love" years into the marriage, who always puts you first, compliments you all the time, gives you back/foot rubs, etc.
However, for some of us, this is not the case. My hubby has been a good provider and faithful. He is also a churchgoer. I am grateful for these things.
But he is no Don Juan! I had to coerce my hubby into holding my hand and walking on the beach with me because it was my birthday. (We froze: my birthday is in
February.) I can't remember the last time he paid me a compliment. He rarely brings me flowers. He has never written that I am "AMAZING" or "The love of his life" on facebook. (He doesn't even have a facebook.) He is definitely not going to build me a Taj Mahal when I pass on. (He may add a room on the house for a pool table.) Sometimes I have wondered if my hands would fit around his thick, stubborn neck.
I say the woman who can still have a smile and a kiss for this guy every day when he gets home is pretty special!

Bin Laden

Well I guess a lot of people are celebrating the death of Osama Bin Laden, like this somehow brings justice to the victims of the 9-11 attack.
Excuse me if I don't get too excited. Somehow I don't see Bin Laden's death as helping our country at all.
Will there be more freedom? Will there be fewer rules, laws, and regulations? Will there be less government intrusion/spying? Will taxes go down? Will the economy improve? Will any of our soldiers come home? Will there be stronger families? I think probably not.
The police state keeps growing and we are worried about an old man hiding in Pakistan! I think Americans must be the most gullible people ever.

Stop the war!

The U.S. government needs to Stop the War!

Stop the War in the Middle East!
Stop the War on the Unborn!
Stop the War on Marriage and the Family!
Stop the War on our personal freedoms!
Stop the War on drugs and terrorism! (which are only an excuse to take away personal freedoms.)

Why?

Why is the U.S. bombing Libya? They are not attacking us. They haven't even threatened us. Our Government has no moral or legal right to do so. The U.S. simply cannot be the world's policeman. We can't afford it. How many of our sons have to die on the other side of the world before we say "Enough!" Our economy is in a terrible state and endless war is just too expensive, both in terms of money and lives lost.
Now that Obama, the ultimate liberal, has proven himself to be a warmonger, maybe Conservatives will stop supporting war. The Americans in the Middle East are not fighting for our freedoms! Freedom is taken away by our OWN government, not by governments on the other side of the world!
Bring our troops home! Get the U.S. out of the Middle East!

Tiger Mom

I haven't read the book, "Tiger Mom," but I have read a few excerpts and passages from it. I have heard that the draconian mother in the book is righteously defending how she raised her children on TV and in other places.
I would like to say that yes, many American children lack discipline, and yes, it is detrimental how much TV time and video game time some children have. Too much TV and computer time is bad for adults, as well!
But I would like to say that the measures used by people like "Tiger Mom" go to the other extreme. Whatever happened to the principle of moderation? I have known quite a few families whose children are very bright and talented and pursuing college educations who NEVER resorted to the concentration-camp style tactics of "Tiger Mom."
My own sister could play the piano beautifully and, as far as I can remember, my parents never really "made" her practice. She practiced because she loved music. My other sister never went to college but has had a highly successful career as a loan underwriter.
Discipline is important, don't get me wrong! I am not advocating letting children run wild or be completely lazy. Parents have to be tough!!! On the other hand, I would also like to advocate balancing being tough with a gentle, loving attitude, the kind that you find in the parents of the Ann of Green Gables books or Little Women. And let a kid be a kid. Let them have plenty of free time to play and enjoy childhood.